My Fertility Story
Fertility is a complex thing. Like all other systems, health, balance, freedom and wellness in fertility requires free flowing energy and clear communication of all the body's systems. This is true of all physical health, but when it comes to fertility, we take a lot more notice and lot more stock in why it may or may not be well.
A woman's ability to conceive and carry a baby to term can carry so much weight in our lives. Certainly there are eons of history which place the ability to have children as the sole purpose in a woman's life. And even though we have moved beyond much of that, for many women, a wound or block in the reproductive system can feel like a mortal wound.
We all have a story of fertility. Ironically, for some the ease of fertility can also bring mixed emotions. When a pregnancy is unintended it can feel like the scales are tipped the other way, and why can't there be a balance of those who want babies and those who don't? Well, because we each have our own story and journey and babies aren't rationed out according to who is most worthy.
Many times the inability to conceive on the first try is simply the body's way of saying, time to slow down and make a few changes. Having a baby requires an unimaginable shift in your life, and your body will be the first to let you know that you are expecting too much of this vessel. Are you overworked? Do you have anxiety, depression? Are you in a place in your life where some things need to be resolved or settled before you're able to cope with yet another thing? You do know that having a baby doesn't solve relationship problems, right!? (You work that s%*t out before you have a baby!) In addition to the physical aspects of health and wellness, in my understanding, the ability and timing of conception is a conversation between a mother and an unborn soul. It is a dance of lifetimes of parent/child karmas.
I share my fertility story today because this story the is the story of my power. And from that power came my soul work.
So here is my fertility story.
My husband and I had been married for a luxurious 5 years before we were ready to start trying to have children. And when we were ready, we were not in a rush. So we tried for several months just having fun. But there comes a time when you start wondering why it's not happening. I began charting my temperature, cutting down on alcohol and making sure that my yoga practice was allowing for fertility. Several more months: nothing. I went to my GYN and she suggested the normal stuff but quickly went into all of the medical options for augmenting fertility. Knowing that the medical/technological path is one that I've never been attracted to, I sought out other options.
I went to my regular TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) practitioner, Michele Salinas, for herbs and acupuncture. As I do with all things, I read, including The Infertility Cure. Still, several more months: nothing. We increased my herbs: nothing. I began doing Yin Yoga which helped with my breakthroughs. The urgency and vividness of my dreams became stronger and stronger. I still remember one of the dreams that helped me to finally "get it". I was in an ocean (symbol for the subconscious or soul) with huge waves like hills rolling all around me. And there was a horse (strong will) swimming or maybe even walking on the water. Simple yet profound, that dream shook me awake, saying, you are using a LOT of will power to repress the messages from your soul! What where those messages? From dreams, daily life, intuition, and direct communication with Source during my Yin Yoga practices and meditation, I heard and finally honored that I needed to embrace my sexuality, my bisexuality.
When we are searching for answers, there is only one place that we need to look: within. For every question you have ever asked, the answer resides within your heart, within your soul or your higher self. You also have a direct line to God (despite what organized religion would have you believe), and you simply need to clear out all other thoughts, energies and doubts.
When I said "yes" to my higher self and began having conversations with my closest friends and my husband about my sexuality, a tidal wave of energy broke though the dam and that very month I became pregnant. I know that my physical body was responding to my energetic body. In fact, everything that happens on the physical level happens on an energetic level first. My soul was asking me to honor something within me that I wanted to bury, and by burying it, I was also suffocating my fertility.
I had a joyful and healthy pregnancy, and a powerful birth. And now my fertility story and my birth story are part of my work. The transformation and revelation is still unfolding 4 years later. My story is why I am called to work in birth, fertility, ceremony and women's evolution. My fertility story is my story of evolution!
I share my story because it empowered and transformed me. I share my story because I believe that it can inspire and inform your story too. The message is that by honoring who we are, where we are and what we came to Earth to experience, we can heal and create anything we want.
