Holding the Bones
I know that what I offer is not mainstream
It may seem obscure or too “woo” for a lot of people - which can make it hard to emphasize how important these practices are for our lives and the world right now.
There is entirely too much trauma in birth these days and what’s even worse is that we know how it can be avoided, but the ship of Western medicine is a behemoth to turn. Knowing that there is so much trauma in birth makes me all the more desperate to want to help repair that! Both from the preventative standpoint and to help people who have experienced trauma to repair and come back to wholeness in themselves.
The Modality of Somatics
In 2019, I took my first MotherCircle class with Kimberly Johnson and I fell in love with her work and the modality of somatic healing. It is both physical, physiological and also emotional/spiritual. The science is coming together now that what the ancient yogis, mystics and women healers around the world have understood for centuries:
that our emotions, personal experiences and sense of belonging all impact out physical health.
In the realm of “somatics” are modalities where we connect with and heal through the body. Soma comes from Sanskrit and Greek origins meaning “body.” Specifically, the physical body, as distinguished from the mind or spirit.
When practicing yoga asanas (physical postures) we are (possibly) doing somatic work. I say possibly, because much of Westernized yoga still has a strong emphasis on “mind over matter” where the body is still subservient to the will of the mind. We might call that spiritual bypassing.
When yoga is practiced from a “bottom up” approach, then we are in the realm of somatics with the potential for healing. All of my yoga classes are trauma-informed and use a modern somatic framework IN ADDITION to the ancient physical and spiritual underpinnings.
Somatic healing allows us to connect the body, mind and spirit in a holistic modality.
Somatic work is always slow. In fact, one of the cornerstone phrases is “the slower you go, the faster you heal.” Titration is part of that process (see below). So is being able to stay grounded in your body; to orient to your inner and outer worlds; to sense and experience both pain and pleasure and to be able to move back and forth between them. Somatic practices might be moving the body in specific ways, breathing consciously or simply holding still and being present with the emotions and sensations that arise.
The Technique: Holding the Bones
I have had training in a variety of somatic-based and trauma-informed modalities, and I use the basic principles of Somatic Experiencing to help women who have experienced difficult or traumatic births. I also use these practices and techniques to help pregnant people prepare for birth so that it ISN’T traumatic.
One of the practices that I learned from Kimberly Johnson is called Holding the Bones. This is an intimate practice where I hold your pelvis while attending to the difficult emotions that have been stored there.
Depending on the complexity or level of trauma needing repair, we may work up to this practice in one or two sessions before diving in. An important principle in somatic work is titration. This is the idea of working slowly, over time, adding small amounts. Similar to chemistry, where adding a whole lot of one thing to a chemical solution could cause an explosion, if we try to make too much change or add too much charge we risk re-igniting the trauma. Titration is when we add just a little at a time. Perhaps so slowly as to not actually notice the change - but it is there none-the-less.
As you recline in a position familiar to many birthing people (on your back, legs apart), I will sit facing you to attune to you and your body. Remember that thing you did as a kid on the swing set: one person straddling the other? That is kind of how we will work. I will hold your pelvis (the bony parts) with non-sexual and consensual touch over your clothing. (It is not massage as there is no movement.) It is simply holding. Being present. Allowing your energy and emotions to move, flow and ultimately release or transmute. I will facilitate that experience in a slow, gentle and safe way.
So, what emotions are present for you as you recall you birth? And where do you feel that in your body? Do you feel grief… confusion… helplessness… anger… a longing for something just a little bit different… wishing you could have slowed down time…?
Why “Holding the Bones?”
You had a baby. It was hard! “But at least you have a healthy baby.”
This phrase is infuriating. It insinuates that a healthy baby is the best outcome and disregards the experience of how one got to a “healthy baby.” Surviving birth is also an incredibly low bar for health. In fact, it is not even a baseline. As a mother-baby dyad, your health is actually even be more important since you are the one protecting, nurturing and growing this human.
So what is a baseline for health after birth? Integration.
Birth is a rite of passage (you’ve heard me say that a thousand times), but we so often miss the stage of integration. When you are metaphorically and (maybe literally) torn apart, you HAVE to take time to understand what happened and who you are are as a result of that experience. This repair and meaning-making might just need a compassionate ear to hear your story. Or it might need someone with a bit more skill at facilitating the movement of energy.
This is where I can help. If you feel like there are loose threads to your story, or lingering questions about how and why something happened, or physical symptoms that you sense were a result of birth, Holding the Bones can help you process and integrate.
When you know your story… when you know where your power lies… when you know what belongs to you and what doesn’t, then you have access to mothering with power, attunement and confidence.
Schedule your 1:1 private Holding the Bones sessions.
Sometimes repair work takes time, so multiple sessions may be helpful. I also include Holding the Bones as part of the larger Closing the Bones postpartum sealing ceremony.
